


Keep On Loving You

by carrionkid



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Inspired by Music, M/M, POST gotg vol 2, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrionkid/pseuds/carrionkid
Summary: Heads up y'all, this is angsty. Peter comes up with a master plan to help Kraglin work things out through the power of music. It works, much to Kraglin's dismay. The title is from the REO Speedwagon song.--It’s a strange request, he thinks as he looks down at the Zune in his hands, Peter doesn’t go anywhere without something to play his music on. One of Peter’s group, Rocket, had asked if he really wanted to leave it behind. Peter just nodded. There’s another layer to this, one Kraglin can’t be bothered to dig a little bit deeper to find. Pete asked him to watch it, so that’s what he’s gonna do.





	Keep On Loving You

“Watch this,” Peter had said, handing Kraglin the Zune, “We’ll be back soon.”

 

He’s still an outsider to the group, even if that’s mainly his fault. He’d do anything Pete asked but at the end of the day, the rest of them are still strangers. The only loyalty he has to them is the fact that Peter’s loyal to them. 

 

It’s a strange request, he thinks as he looks down at the Zune in his hands, Peter doesn’t go anywhere without  _ something  _ to play his music on. One of Peter’s group, Rocket, had asked if he really wanted to leave it behind. Peter just nodded. There’s another layer to this, one Kraglin can’t be bothered to dig a little bit deeper to find. Pete asked him to watch it, so that’s what he’s gonna do.

 

That plan only works up until the point that his thoughts get a mite too loud for him. One of the first things Peter did was figure out how to get the Zune to play over the sound system. Kid has a knack for technology, just wastes his talents on stuff that shouldn’t be as high of a priority as it is for Peter. He puts the music on shuffle, still not sure what he likes and what he doesn’t since he hasn’t had upwards of two decades to get used to all of it. 

 

Something upbeat comes on, something about rocking and rolling all night and partying every day, and he’s starting to figure out why Peter left the Zune behind. Deep down, he knows that he’s on suicide watch. He can hear it in everything Peter says, see it in everything he does. Kraglin  _ would  _ tell Pete it isn’t necessary but that’d involve acknowledging it. 

 

Taking the coward’s way out is a sure-fire way to never see Yondu again. He’d never see the lights if he went out that way, who’d wanna honor that? No, instead, he has to do something worth sending him to wherever Yondu ended up. Asshole had to die all heroic-like and make it hard on him.

 

One day, things will be okay. People die all the time, it’s not unexpected. Kraglin does what he always does and slips into a routine. He weaves his way around the quadrant of the Eclector, checking each piece of machinery. The repairs are haphazard, but it’s functional. Once he’s run out of things to check, he ends up back in the bridge, sitting with his feet up on the console.

 

The song shifts again, it’s the first time he’s aware of it. It’s not a bad song, in fact, it’s a song he could learn to like. The singer wails about being wanted dead or alive. He’s had enough practice at just turning the music into background noise that he hasn’t noticed the past couple of songs. If he lets it turn into static, it almost sounds like he’s at home. Not a normal day, one of the days where everyone’s off planet-side and he’s stuck behind. Kraglin stares down at the planet below, wondering where exactly the rest of his quote unquote crew is.

 

Peter doesn’t order him around at all, just gives him wordless, sad looks. If he wasn’t the Captain now, Kraglin would punch him. There are just some things you don’t do and that’s one of them. Kid might look like a Ravager, might even act like one, but he never got to the point of thinking like one. It’s not entirely a bad thing, shit, one might even argue that it’s a miracle that Pete still turned out so soft and kind. 

 

Kraglin had tried a thousand times over, so had Yondu, but the kid stayed the same. Eventually they gave up. Probably coddled him a mite more than he deserved. Kindness got you killed. You either wise up and get mean or you die. Somehow that hadn’t happened yet, but being part god and functionally immortal probably had a hand in that. 

 

When it does happen, that’s gonna be on his head. Pete’s gotten comfortable, thinkin’ he can have friends, thinkin’ he can get close to someone else. Kraglin’s starting to realize that neither of them really prepared him for the world. They’d both been soft. 

 

It’s the reason Yondu died for Peter when it was supposed to be the other way around. Everyone else was supposed to be ready to die for the Captain. He isn’t mad at Pete, not really, he’s overheard the kid choking on his words, saying  _ I tried, I tried, I really did, but he wouldn’t let me,  _ and Kraglin couldn’t ever be well and truly mad at him. 

 

It’s the reason this aches so much. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Only thing that was supposed to hurt this bad was gettin’ shot or stabbed. He’s mastered the fine art of compartmentalization, you just have to after seeing a hundred of your friends killed in a hundred different ways, but it’s failing him right now. He’s been mourning, longer than he ought to but Peter hasn’t said anything about the black leathers and no one else seems to get the significance.

 

He knows that the girl, Mantis, could probably help numb things down considerably better than getting wasted every night, but this is something he has to deal with alone. He’s gotta be better for the next time. People have always died, and they always will. There will be a next time and it can’t be as bad as this one. Next might be Pete and thinking about it makes his stomach twist in ways that already tell him he’s getting too soft.

 

There have been a couple moments of weakness, moments when she offered to help him and he didn’t have the strength to say no. 

 

“Think of something happy,” she had said, “And I will make it last.” 

 

And he’d thought of something happy and she’d grabbed his hands and he’d still been crying by the end of it. She’d been crying too, crying and smiling like she couldn’t make up her mind on what to feel.

 

The song changes again. The introduction already sounds like it’s gonna be one of those sappy songs Pete loves. They aren’t really his thing, but he’s tired of thinking. He closes his eyes and listens to the lyrics.

 

_ You played dead, but you never bled _

_ Instead you laid still in the grass, all coiled up and hissin’ _

 

Well this is just unfair. He can feel his heart in his throat and an ache building behind his eyes. There has to be some kind of cosmic deity out in the universe that’s just dedicated their life to fucking with him. This stupid Terran love song is messing with him something awful. 

 

_ And I meant every word I said, _

_ When I said that I loved you,  _

_ I meant that I loved you forever. _

 

Shit. He can feel hot tears welling up in his eyes and wipes them away. Sure, he could skip the song and move on with his life but instead he opts for what he always does and slinks off somewhere to hide. It’s not his fault that he only makes it as far as under the console before completely breaking down. The big heaving sobs make his chest ache, like he’s being gutted by an unseen hand and scraped clean from the inside. The chorus continues on overhead, mocking him.

 

_ And I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you,  _

_ Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do, _

_ I don’t wanna sleep,  _

_ I just wanna keep on lovin’ you. _

 

Kraglin can feel himself shaking, the sound of his pulse beating in his ears is pretty much drowning out the music now. He buries his head in his hands, this is definitely not what he considers dealing with things. In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite. The only way it could’ve been worse is if it happened when people were actually around. The instruments on the song fade out and another song comes on, singing about rainy nights turning into sunny days, and it’s all too optimistic and upbeat for Kraglin.

 

He reaches his hand up, out from under the console, and fumbles blindly for the Zune. After grabbing it, he spends a split second debating throwing it against the wall just to get it to shut up, but he can’t do that. Pete asked him to watch it, so he keeps it close. Instead, he shuts the music off. Maybe his thoughts aren’t too loud to be alone with anymore. He curls up tight in the shadowy space under the console. His back is to the wall and in his black leathers, he almost blends in.

 

The door to the bridge slides open; he freezes, stock still, hoping whoever it is will just leave. 

 

“Kraglin? Where are you?”

 

It’s Peter. Of course it’s Peter. Again, he thinks back to the possibility that something out there is just fucking with him on a cosmic level.  _ We’ve already killed a god once, asshole, better wise up an’ stop fuckin’ with me.  _

 

The thought’s nice until he realizes that they didn’t  _ all  _ make it back from killing a god. In fact, Kraglin spent most of the time just sitting back and being useless. Doing the same thing he’s been doing for Peter the past couple of months.

 

He slides out from under the console, “Just doing some… uh… repairs.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Peter gives him one of those looks, but thankfully doesn’t mention the fact that he’s very obviously been crying. They have a kinship in their knack for hiding and the look on Peter’s face says he knows exactly what was happening there and it sure wasn’t repairs.

 

“Here’s your Zune, Cap’n,” he says, ignoring the way the end of the sentence catches in his throat.

 

Peter pockets it and shoots a look at Gamora. She’s a nice girl, even after growing up with a father like Thanos. They’re a good match. Both sharp-edged and soft, twin paradoxes. She nods and slips out of the room. 

 

“Looks like it helped,” Peter smiles.

 

In reality, it did the exact opposite of helping. All it did was make him break down because of a song. 

 

“I miss him too,” Peter looks down at the floor like it’s suddenly very interesting, “An’ don’t say you don’t miss him ‘cos I know you do. Missin’ him isn’t a bad thing.”

 

It sure feels an awful lot like a bad thing, but Kraglin nods. Anything to get out of this conversation.

 

“I’m gonna hug you now and you don’t get to push me away until it’s been at least thirty seconds,” Peter says as he steps towards him. 

 

Kraglin doesn’t move to struggle, but he also doesn’t move at all, just leaves his arms hanging limp at his sides. Peter wraps his arms around him and presses his forehead against Kraglin’s chest. He’s short, despite all his complaints that he’s above average for a Terran and that it isn’t his fault that Xandar has more oxygen in the atmosphere. 

 

Kraglin’s almost enjoying it when Peter picks him up, just a few inches off the ground, but that doesn’t make it any less humiliating. 

 

It takes him a second to find his words, but he manages to say, “Watch it, kid.”

 

Peter sets him down, lets go, and smiles up at him, “Feel better?”

 

Strange enough, he does. Kraglin nods. 

 

Peter just keeps grinning, “Music makes everything better, and it’s always easier to cry when you have a reason.”

 

Maybe Pete turned out better than he thought. Maybe it isn’t too bad being soft. He can’t really see himself ever getting too soft, not now. Not after he’s figured out how much it hurts. But Pete’s young, he’s got time to figure it out. All that pain and he’s just turned out nice. Not naive, but nice. Maybe that’s a sign in and of itself.

 

“You can come down next time, if you want,” Peter says as he’s leaving the room.

 

Kraglin nods, “Sounds good.”

 

It’s not that big of a first step back to normal, but it’s a first step nonetheless.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's all the songs referenced in this fic:  
> [Rock and Roll All Night - Kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XfRjVo5wOE)  
> [Wanted Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRvCvsRp5ho)  
> [Keep On Loving You - REO Speedwagon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgT_mJXbvCQ)  
> [I Love A Rainy Night - Eddie Rabbitt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yLlG1POr9c)
> 
> This fic came about simply because I've been in a mid summer break down and it involves a lot of crying to REO Speedwagon at 4 am because REO Speedwagon is a good band to cry to.


End file.
